THE DEVIL I KNEW
PART I — THE MIRROR
Mirror Mirror
Words & Music: Nicole Zuraitis
Mirror mirror on the wall
Tell me, am I saint or sin?
Do I stumble, do I stall
When temptation pulls me in?
Angels wings or serpents tail
Which one suits me best?
Do I walk along the righteous trail
Or delight in sins confessed?
Divine or depraved
Half master, half maid
It’s virtue I parade
In this self made masquerade
Mirror mirror
Don’t be cruel
Whisper softly as you sting
Am I wise, or just a fool?
Mistaking crowns for kings
Mirror, what’s the truth?
Answer if you dare
For the devil I knew, my dear
Can be found anywhere
[“Unfortunate coincidence”, Written by Dorothy Parker]
By the time you swear you’re theirs,
Shivering and sighing,
And they vow their passion is
Infinite, undying—
Friend, make a note of this:
One of you is lying….
Won’t Make It Out Alive
Words & Music: Nicole Zuraitis
A flicker of danger,
With a gleam behind those eyes
Familiar stranger
Known him since I first learned to lie
Feels like a freight train tearing up and down my spine
I’m barely breathing
Step by step, we’re out of time
But if he keeps on coming,
I won’t make it out alive
A voice like velvet
Laced with smoke, whiskey, and cash
A laugh like thunder
And a big temper to match
One foot on the bedpost
And the other’s out the door
Sirens sing warning
Babe keep your ear to the floor
But if he keeps on coming
I won’t hold back anymore
Oh, and now we’re keeping score
Well, a deck of cards I’m dying to play
not the gambling type, but I’ll risk it today
I’ll give you my spade — if you deal me your ace
The dealers laughing,
Cuz he knows that I’m all in
I’ve thrown a wild card just to match his crooked grin
We’re a storm rolling in on restless tides
A sailors warning, this will be tough to survive
Yet, he keeps on coming
Yes, he keeps on coming
And I’m down to take the ride
I won’t make it out alive
I Dare You (Call My Name)
Words & Music: Nicole Zuraitis
Can we dream for a minute?
I don’t know what you’ve done, but you did it
Time is flying and we’re well within it
I don’t know when you aimed, but you hit it.
I’m still humming
You’re really something
Don’t you lie and say it’s nothing
Don’t know you when you found the time but you built this and I’m living in it
This fire comes once a lifetime
So I dare you to feed the flame
Dare you to stake your claim
On my heart
Cuz it ain’t easy; love and war
When we’ve both been here before
But I’m yours
If you call my name.
Tell me to jump and I’ll leap it
Beg me to steal and I’ll thieve it
I don’t know where we’re going, but I’ll map it out if you ask me out because I feel this
Loving you is like loving the moon
A photo can’t capture the heart space you rule
Maybe we’re been headed in the wrong direction
As I’ve mentioned
I’m on this train with you
So I dare you to feed the flame
Dare you to stake your claim on my heart
Cuz it ain’t easy love and war
When we’ve both been here before
But I’m yours if you call my name
Call it. Call it.
I’m on this train too
So I dare you to feed the flame
Dare you to stake your claim on my heart
Cuz it ain’t easy love and war
And we’ve been through every storm
And I’m yours if you call my name
He’s a Demon, He’s a Devil, He’s a Doll
Lyrics: Nicole Zuraitis & Don Reye
Music: Harold Spina
Everyone tells me he's no good
He doesn't love me like he should
I would forget him if I only could
He's a demon, he's a devil, he's a doll
That man can look me in the eye
And tell the biggest, sweetest lie
And I forget that lipstick on his tie
He's a demon, he's a devil, he's a doll
Sometimes I swear its the end
and I won’t be fooled again
And that I’ll finally tell him off real bad
But then he flashes that grin
And reels me back in
And I forget why I’m mad
I ought to tell him "drop dead!"
But I keep loving him instead
My momma must have dropped me on my head
He’s a darling, he’s a dreamboat, he’s a dog.
Sometimes he sins and sanctifies
Then shows up late with alibis
I still fall for those eyes
He’s a darling, he’s a dreamboat, he’s a dog!
I had the measles at two, the chicken pox and the flu
And boy the whooping cough was grim
I had the itches and mumps, and poison ivy in clumps
To top it off I’m stuck with him!
He's a palooka, a brute
He’s crazy and he's cute
Why do I love a man I ought to shoot
He's a demon, he's a devil, he is a dog.
He’s a demon. He’s a devil. He’s a dog.
PART II — THE MARTYR
“THE MERMAID” by JOHANNA TELANDER
I always knew I loved you more,
Endlessly—
To abandon.
Deeper than the ocean,
While you stayed close to shore.
You waded, ankle-deep,
While I dove headfirst—
in a reckless sweep
In waters uncharted
I placed my hope,
Draped around your anchor,
Like Untested, (naive) rope.
I learned to breathe
In turbulent currents,
For you I stayed serene—
Your gilded mer-queen
A saint must be a martyr first.
And I drowned—
So willingly.
Sinking like pearled beads
In hidden, salted tears.
When winter came,
Swiftly, unanswered
You took your care away.
I joined the wreckage—
Another myth,
Another lost fleet,
A shadow
A fable
Once formidable,
Now only proof
I disappeared
And (oh), how willingly.
Be careful what you wish for.
Two Steps Back (The Overlap)
Words & Music: Nicole Zuraitis
I can’t walk down 52nd Street
Or park on 11th Avenue
All I see is us in cars
Smoking cigars
Wishing the world could know what only we knew …
Do you miss me too?
I can’t stumble through the Village
Or get coffee on the Upper West
And If I drink my favorite martini
I’m flooded with the memory of secrets we kept …
Do you miss me yet?
It’s the overlap
Try to move forward, slipping two steps back
Time cannot rewind the past
So there’s overlap
Between what we built and what’s collapsed
The overlap.
I can’t step in hotel bars
Or track faces in a carnival of crowds
And when the leaves begin to grow in spring
I feel the sting, I’m struggling
To accept why, and how.
Do you miss me now?
It’s the overlap
Try to move forward, slipping two steps back
Time cannot rewind the past
So there’s overlap
Between what we built and what’s collapsed
Oh which way is up
When we’re all just lost in the end?
We were so innocent
Did you miss me then?
In the days of before
When we were much more than pretend
Did you miss me then?
It’s the overlap.
Time cannot rewind the past
So there’s overlap
Between what we built and what’s collapsed
The overlap.
Wish I Could Love You
Words & Music: Nicole Zuraitis, Justine Blazer, Nancy Deckant, Cory Lee Barker, Donna Burk
There’s no easy way
To say this to you
Somehow the wires got crossed
And now you feel confused
There’s nothing that you did
Nothing that you didn't do
But my heart won’t let me rest
Til yours knows the truth
I wish I could love you
Wish I could feel the same
Cause the last thing that I wanna do is keep causing you pain
I wish I could love you
WIsh I could let you in
Oh I hate that I feel what I feel but I just can’t pretend
I wish I could love you
There’s somebody searching
For someone like you
And I know the hardest part
Is all that we could lose
Oh I wish I could love you
I wish I could feel the same
Cause the last thing that I wanna do is keep causing you pain
I wish I could love you
I wIsh I could let you in
Oh I hate that I feel what I feel but I just can’t pretend
Oh I wish I could love you
It’s nothing that you did
Nothing that you didn’t do
But My heart won’t let me rest
Til yours knows the truth
I wish I could love you
Wish I could feel the same
Cause the last thing that I wanna do is keep causing you pain
Oh I wish that I could love you
I wish I could let you in
Oh I hate that I feel what I feel but I just can’t pretend
I wish I could love you
A Kiss Is Never a Mistake
Words & Music: Nicole Zuraitis
A rose that’s arching homeward
As we lean in too close…
Where mystery meets reverie…
And every dreamer knows
That dawn it breaks, comes crashing in
And there alone, awake
I’m missing the dark mischiefness of our imagined fates
Until then I’ll see you in my dreams
For there a kiss is never a mistake.
Lift coffee to my lips that yesterday lifted to you
Echoed words ring deafening as I take in morning’s view
Deny, deny through bleary eyes
Unraveled, unmanaged, unkempt
My heart’s not only broken, it’s bent.
Until then I’ll see you in my dreams
For there a kiss is never a mistake.
Part III — The Malediction
A Double Standard
Text by Frances Ellen Watkins Harper
Do you blame me that I loved him?
If when standing all alone
I cried for bread a careless world
Pressed to my lips a stone.
Do you blame me that I loved him,
That my heart beat glad and free,
When he told me in the sweetest tones
He loved but only me?
Can you blame me that I did not see
Beneath his burning kiss
The serpent’s wiles, nor even hear
The deadly adder hiss?
Can you blame me that my heart grew cold
That the tempted, tempter turned;
When he was feted and caressed
And I was coldly spurned?
Would you blame the world if it should press
On him a civic crown;
And see me struggling in the depth
Then harshly press me down?
Crime has no sex and yet to-day
I wear the brand of shame;
Whilst he amid the gay and proud
Still bears an honored name.
Can you blame me if I’ve learned to think
Your hate of vice a sham,
When you so coldly crushed me down
And then excused the man?
Would you blame me if to-morrow
The coroner should say,
A wretched girl, outcast, forlorn,
Has thrown her life away?
Yes, blame me for my downward course,
But oh! remember well,
Within your homes you press the hand
That led me down to hell.
The Devil I Knew
Words & Music: Nicole Zuraitis
Bells and whistles gave away
You were chasing a mistake.
Trouble was lured by the sound of stiff drinks and big pours
Excuses and missed dates
The darkest evening of the year
Was every time I thought you’d clear
Your scheduled pension for my attention undivided
Yet coinciding fates collided
Love is the one thing in life when you lose it
You doubt it existed
It’s maddening, it’s beauty, it’s cruel, it’s persistent
Just like you
The devil I knew.
When your heart silently tells the truth
The devil I know is the devil you knew
You warned me in advance, but I focused on sequels not previews
It’s always what I do.
When discomfort is your comfort
It’s tattooed on your skin
A bleeding scarlet letter
You’ve worn for years and stitched from within
You’ve sinned
We wagered a bet and folded again
When love is the one thing in life when you lose it you doubt it existed
It’s maddening, it’s beauty, it’s cruel, it’s persistent
Just like you.
I tried to wish it away, and wash the mistakes
Tried to escape that visceral ache
And it’s over now. It’s over
Always lean on tomorrow escaping today
And now we’ve thrown it all away
And it’s over now. It’s over.
The devil I know is the devil you knew.
The devil you knew is the devil you know.
I tried to wish it away, and wash the mistakes
I tried to escape that visceral ache
And it’s over now.
Always relied on the sorrow, got used to the pain
But now it’s time to turn the page
And it’s over now. It’s over.
Love is the one thing in life
When you lose it
You doubt it existed.
All That’s Left
Words & Music: Nicole Zuraitis
Out of the blue, clear as day
Giant decisions barreled my way
At first I said yes
As Father Time ticked
But I couldn’t shake the feeling that simply wouldn’t quit.
But we did celebrate (after I cried)
And we tried to figure out
How we would all squeeze inside our
Tiny apartment with holes in the walls
Still in my gut, I knew something was wrong
How could I wish you away, maybe baby?
Love shaped as tragedy. Maybe Baby?
Maybe I’m foolish
And maybe I’m cruel
Now, maybe is all that’s left of you.
Then late one night
Clear blue raged red
And just as quick as it began
It crashed to an end
And there in that moment I held onto my grief
While quietly breathing in, feeling relief
For having a choice
A life that was mine.
And as I scanned the scan again
I saw past dotted lines
So I said goodbye before things could progress
And a part of me felt numb
While the other part wept.
That’s why I wished you away, maybe baby.
Love shaped as tragedy, maybe? Baby?
Maybe I’m foolish
And maybe I’m cruel
Now, maybe is all that’s left of you.
Maybe I’m foolish
And maybe I knew
And maybe someday, you’ll forgive me, too.
Maybe I’m broken,
And maybe I knew,
Maybe someday, you’ll forgive me, too.
Vice Versus
Words & Music: Nicole Zuraitis
Raise my glass to ghosts in the sky
Throwing back my fourth French 75
Every drop dulls the passing of time
Raise my glass it begins again
Toasting to the letters that I wont send
Anesthesia disguised as wine in my unquiet mind
Stretching the time
When I get to the bottom, what will I find?
Drinking again
My vice, versus
When I pretend, the vice worsens
You lit the match and I fed the flame
Now every bottle whispers your name
Tonic loops mistakes on repeat
While my troubled sleep feels bittersweet
For when I’m awake I rewind the deceit
You wrecked the rules, left spells behind
Now I’m chasing shots with love misaligned
Shattered truth and illusions prove
It all cuts like dull knives
What a surprise
It’s funny: memories and mirages collide
I’m drinking again
It’s my vice, versus
When I pretend then the vice worsens
You lit the match and I fed the flame
Now every bottle whispers your name
Drinking again
It’s my vice, versus
Heart that forget what the soul rehearses
Drowning slow in every sip
Holding the bottle loosens your grip.
I’ve stitched my skin soft and delicate
Still the sweetest songs mourn what’s left unsaid
Cover the clock and try to forget
I raise my glass and curse the past
Pour another back cause it never lasts
Checkmate for the games we always meant to lose
There's a weakness in me
And a habit in you
When I pick the best poisons, you’re my Kind of Blue
I’m drinking again
It’s my vice, versus
Trying to pretend but the vice worsens
You lit the match and I fed the flame
Now every bottle whispers your name
Drinking again
It’s my vice, versus
Hearts forgets what the soul rehearses
Drowning slow in every sip
Holding the bottle loosens your grip.